


The Costco Incident

by damthosefandoms



Series: The Rugrats Club AU [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Robin: Son of Batman (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Damian gets a plastic toy sword, Damian gets lost in a Costco again but he’s fine lmao, Gen, I TRIED give me credit for trying, I mean yeah dick is Damian’s brother but yknow, Wallys kids meet Damian and it’s dumb but it works, again it’s all the same, and I pick and choose my canon anyway, and then talk for an hour about sports while their kids are bored, but can be read alone anyway, but they both have superspeed thats it, dick and wally are those dads who run into each other at the store, jai and iris’ origin is a nightmare, kind of a prequel, only Dick is allowed to call him Dami, part of my rugrats club au, so dont ask me about their ages ok, sports/superhero stuff its all the same thing, they aged weird but now theyre both nine, this was really fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damthosefandoms/pseuds/damthosefandoms
Summary: Wally takes his kids to the store before Jai’s little league game starts. Oh, and you know how whenever you go to the store with your dad, he bumps into a friend there and does that thing where they stand in one place and talk for like, forever? And you and your sibling are left to die of boredom while it happens? Yeah, that happens too.
Relationships: Damian Wayne & Jai West & Iris West II, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Wally West & Dick Grayson, Wally West & Jai West & Iris West II
Series: The Rugrats Club AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870681
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87





	The Costco Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kryptonianmenace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryptonianmenace/gifts).



> This is a gift for @kryptonianmenace because HAPPY BIRTHDAY KON!!!!!!
> 
> Anyway a few weeks ago my dad ran into his friend at Staples and I was bored and then was talking to Destiny about how in the Rugrats Club au, Wally is ABSOLUTELY that kind of dad. And it would be Dick he'd run into, and Damian and Wally's kids would get into all kinds of chaos. So yeah. Here you go.

The only reason the twins agreed to go run some errands with their dad was because he promised to stop at McDonalds while they were out, and they both wanted happy meals. The restaurant was giving out Teen Titans toys this month, and both kids were hoping to get Kid Flash toys. You know, because of irony.

Except the problem with going to any store (any public place really) with your dad is that he’ll always run into someone he knows there. And then you get stuck standing there for like an hour. Usually it’s only for about ten minutes at most, but when you’re little ten minutes _is_ an hour—and when you’re a speedster, ten minutes is _ten_ hours. 

So, basically, it’s boring as _heck._

* * *

No one really knows how it happened, because logically it made no sense. They were at the Costco in Keystone City. In _Kansas._ You know, in the Midwest. And it was 11:42am on a random Friday at the end of June—school had ended two days earlier. By all logic, they shouldn’t have run into each other there… but it really didn’t matter.

Honestly, Iris had no idea what they were even at the store for. Her dad said something about needing paper towels and laundry detergent, and like… bleach or whatever, because Jai had _just_ gotten a new pair of baseball pants and he _immediately_ slid into a base and ruined them a day after their mom bought them. 

(The more Iris thought about it, the more she realized that it’s stupid for baseball players to wear white pants at all, but that’s not the point.) 

Jai had a little league game at 1:30 and had to be there by 1:00, so they were kind of in a rush. He was already in his uniform; their dad was supposed to drop him off at the field after they left the store. He was going to drop Jai there, bring all the stuff they bought home, and then head back to the field later with Iris to watch the game.

 _Watch_ was a strong word. Iris usually spent her brother’s games searching the woods behind the field with the other players’ siblings for lost baseballs—they would hand them in to the snack stand for a free piece of bubble gum. 

But now, Iris was pretty sure she wasn’t going to make it that far today. Honestly, she was pretty sure they were never going to leave the store.

She and Jai had just dragged their dad over to one of the stands where the employees would hand out samples of food. Normally, the samples were something gross that no self-respecting technically-three-but-physically-nine-year-old kid (thanks, weird accelerated aging that their dad was luckily able to fix) would ever dream of touching, but today they were handing out samples of Trix cereal, and, well, like the commercials say, Trix _is_ for kids. 

Everything started going wrong when Jai started throwing his cereal at Iris. He was holding on to the end of the grocery cart with one hand, his baseball cleats keeping him balanced on it as their dad pushed it around, and had opted to use the other hand to throw cereal at his sister. Iris ducked behind her dad in order to take cover. The next piece of cereal hit Wally in the cheek while they turned a corner into the next aisle—and because he was distracted telling Jai to cut it out, he didn’t notice the other cart about to slam into theirs.

Jai jumped off the end just in time to avoid being crushed, but he did so using superspeed, so naturally, Iris tattled.

“Dad! Jai just—you know—in the store!” Iris cried, but for once her dad didn’t seem worried about the situation.

“It’s okay, Irey,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t think _he’s_ going to tell anyone what he saw.” 

Wally winked at her and gestured toward the offending shopping-cart-pusher. Both of the kids’ eyes lit up. 

Standing in front of them was their dad’s best friend and fellow superhero, Dick Grayson.

“UNCLE D!!!” They ran (at normal speed) forward to hug the man. 

“Hey Jai, Irey! How are you two doing?” He pulled them into a hug. 

“I’m great!” Jai said. “I’ve got a game today, and we’re totally gonna win!” 

“Yeah, and Dad’s taking us to McDonald’s after this! I’m so excited!” Iris said, smiling brightly. 

Dick grinned. He stood back up, and suddenly his expression turned serious. 

“Hey, you guys haven’t seen a kid around here, right? About this tall,” Dick held up his hand, “begrudgingly wearing a Nightwing hoodie, probably scowling?” 

Wally shook his head. “Did you seriously lose Damian?” 

Dick shrugged. “We split up to get a few things and I was supposed to meet him at the dog food aisle, but he wasn’t there when I got there. I’m sure he’s fine, though—he’s a smart kid. He’s old enough to wander the store on his own anyway. I’ll give him a call when I get in line to pay. I’m sorta wandering myself, waiting for the lines to be shorter—this store is _ridiculous.”_

Wally laughed. “Yeah, you’re right. And that kid sure can handle himself. Do you remember that time we—”

Iris shot her brother a look. They both knew what “do you remember” _really_ meant—they’d be spending the next hour standing around, listening to their dad and his friend talk while all the cold stuff in the cart melted. 

But today Iris wasn’t going to put up with it. She grabbed her brother’s arm and started walking. Neither adult even noticed them leave.

“Irey, what are you _doing?_ Dad’s gonna get mad if we sneak off!” Jai protested, digging his heels into the ground in an attempt to stop his twin sister from pulling him away.

“We’re to find this ‘Damian’ person for Uncle D.” She said, stopping to stand on her toes and look up over a stack of boxes.

“We don’t even know who we’re looking for! And this store is so huge, it could take us _hours!”_ Jai said, then lowered his voice to add, _“Especially_ since we can’t use our _you-know-what.”_

Irey rolled her eyes at him, and kept dragging him. He hadn’t even bothered to pull his arm loose from her iron-clad grip.

“Jai, it can’t be _that_ hard to find a kid in a Nightwing sweatshirt in _Keystone._ Gotham or Blüdhaven, maybe, but not _here.”_

“But we don’t even _know_ this guy. Why are you bothering?”

“It’s important to Uncle D. And unless you want to be stuck here for an hour while he talks to Dad, not get McDonalds, _and_ be late for your game, I suggest you stop being a dummy and _help me.”_

Jai sighed and straightened his baseball cap. “Fine, but only because I don’t wanna miss my game. My coach said I could _pitch_ today.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “You and baseball, I swear. It’s like dad and… hey, look!”

She pointed towards the dvd section, where a short person in a blue and black hoodie was holding up a _Star Trek: The Original Series_ box set. He was glaring at it as if it were something his annoying older sibling loved more than anything, but he just didn’t see the appeal and was trying to understand it.

“That’s gotta be him, c’mon!” Iris yanked her brother’s arm, and started running (at a regular human speed) across the store.

* * *

Damian didn’t really get what Tim liked about Star Trek. He’d read the back of the dvd case, but just didn’t understand it. The episodes were too long, and—

Someone was trying to sneak up behind him.

Keyword, _trying._

Damian spun around on his heel, gripping the hilt of the plastic sword he’d found in the toy aisle as he held it to their throats (a little excessive, maybe, as it _was_ a toy, but… blame his training). He moved so fast that both kids stumbled backwards, flopping over each other as they scrambled up from the floor. He noted the obnoxiously large butterfly nets that had clattered to the floor in the attempt, and the innocent, yet both confused _and_ annoyed looks on their faces. 

Damian recognized them, of course. Sort of. He’d read through all the files of every member of the Justice League _and_ the Teen Titans when he’d first become Robin, wanting to familiarize himself with the people he was going to have to get to know whether he liked it or not. 

(He still wasn’t sure he liked it. Sometimes it was okay. Sometimes, like right now, it was _extremely_ annoying.)

He was about 64% sure that these two troublemakers were the Flash’s—Wally West’s, that is—kids. They weren’t mentioned in the files Damian had read by name, but they _had_ been mentioned. Although when he’d read up on them a few years ago, they’d only been a few months old.

Which begged the question of why they looked _nine_ right now. They were without a doubt West’s children—the girl’s hair and eye color made her almost a carbon copy of her father (just younger and, well, a girl) and they both had the same light freckles dusting their faces. Thanks to Richard, Damian had met West enough times to know his features when he saw them. 

He just hadn’t met the kids, yet. They were supposed to be three, last he remembered—not nine years old and running wild at this stupid store. 

But he decided to push his questions aside and ask the most pressing one instead: 

“Why the hell were you two trying to capture me with a—what is that, a butterfly net? Did you _really_ think that was going to work?”

The girl—if Damian’s theory on them being the West Twins was correct, her name would be Iris—shrugged, helping her brother up from the floor. 

“It worked on _Fairly Odd Parents._ Are you Damian?”

“Who’s asking?” 

“Irey West. The weirdo in the baseball uniform is my brother Jai.” She said, reaching out to smack the brim of Jai’s hat, knocking it off his head. 

Jai cried out, “HEY!” when the hat fell, picking it up and dusting it off. He elbowed Iris to get her back. 

“Quit it! I have a game today, Irey. I don’t wanna ruin my hat—”

“—Like you did the pants?” 

“ _It’s not my fault that baseball fields are made of dirt!_ ” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a field of dirt—reminds me of you!”

_“Irey—”_

_“Enough.”_ Damian snapped, in his best Batman impression. Clearly, it was a _good_ impression, because it seemed to work. Both kids stopped arguing and stood straight up, looking at him.

“You,” Damian said, pointing to the girl. “Tell me. You’re Wally West’s children, am I correct?”

Irey nodded. “Yup, that’s our dad. And you’re here with Uncle D, right?”

Damian raised an eyebrow. “You mean, Dick? Yes, I am here with my brother. _Sort of,”_ he added the last part under his breath. 

“I’m Damian Wayne.” He introduced himself.

“Yeah, _duh._ Nice sweatshirt, Dami.” Iris said, crossing her arms. Damian’s eye twitched at the nickname—only Richard was allowed to call him that. “You always wear your family’s merch?”

Jai looked at her. “Aren’t you wearing Flash earrings?”

“I—shut up, Jai.” 

Damian’s patience was starting to wear thin, so he changed the subject before his impulses took over and he started throwing whatever was in his reach at the children in front of him.

“Why were you attempting to capture me?”

Irey shrugged again, lazily brushing her hair out of her eyes. She had a hair tie on her wrist, but was just too lazy to put it up—she preferred pigtails anyway, and that wasn’t an option at the moment. 

“Dad ran into your brother before and crashed the cart and Jai almost got seen but then he didn’t.” 

“What?”

“We bumped into Uncle D,” Jai muttered, still annoyed about his hat. 

“He said you were missing, then started talking to Dad about the _old days._ Irey thinks bringing you back to Uncle D will make him stop talking to Dad and leave because I’ve got a game at 1:00 and we’re in a hurry, but Dad always forgets that when he sees his friends at stores. He’s weird like that.”

Irey nodded, as if that made total sense to her. Damian remained confused. Why did it matter if they were in a hurry? Were they not a family of speedsters?

When he asked this, the twins simply blinked at him.

“We _drove_ here, dude. Can’t exactly run home without the car.” Jai said.

Ah. Right. Made sense. Damian sighed, picking up the stash of items he’d acquired while wandering the store: three xbox games, a new sketchbook, and the plastic pirate sword he’d grabbed just in case he needed to defend himself. Odd that it had almost actually come in handy.

“Let’s go find your father. I was getting bored anyway.”

The twins both smiled and Damian followed them back towards his brother, completely unaware that this meeting was the start of something new.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Jai and Irey are based on me and my brother. My brother (though three years older and NOT my twin) played baseball his entire life, and always gets mad when I knock the hat he's always wearing off his head. I don't think I've ever seen truly CLEAN baseball pants in my life (and my mom gave a long time ago on getting the stains out of them lmao). I was the one throwing rocks at the bathroom wall and searching the woods for lost baseballs in order to get free gum and asking my mom and dad and grandparents for $2.00 for french fries from the snack stand every five minutes as a kid at Adam's little league games. I miss those days. 
> 
> Anyway, that's the fic lol. Hope you enjoyed it!!!


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